How to find yourself—without therapy

One question I’m asked a lot by the amazing women I work with at Powerful Steps is how I found myself three years ago. I get it. It’s one thing to talk about discovering the woman you were meant to be, and another to actually do it.

I thought about it a lot during my trip to Kamalaya Wellness Retreat in Thailand last week. It was triggered by the feeling of transformation I always have the minute I step onto the tarmac at Koh Samui airport. If you’ve ever flown there, you’ll know you get off the plane and a little funny bus picks you up to take you to the straw-thatched terminal. The heat and the smell and the knowledge the warm aqua sea is right there is transformative, certainly for me.

It was my eighth trip to Kamalaya and eight time investing in the Asian Bliss Program. It’s become part of the rhythm of my life. A big part of how I found myself. I’m more aware of my surroundings and that awareness helps me when I take time to reflect, to ask, ‘what is my higher purpose and how am I going to climb the mountain to get there?’

Every year you have to elevate to the next level. I don’t want to be on cruise control. I am in alignment with life and where I am going, and I feel all of us can get to the next level if we invest in what’s happening inside us.

Finding yourself is a deeply personal journey that involves self-reflection, introspection and exploration. It’s a process of discovering your authentic identity, values, passions and purpose in life. Daunting? Depends how prepared you are for the path of self discovery.

Here’s the steps I took to find myself:

1. Get out of your current environment. Get out of the way of the daily grind. This will help you identify what you love about where you are at this point in life, but also where you might be struggling. Making time for solitude means you can understand your desires without interruption. I love to meditate and journal to gain clarity and connect with my inner self. Getting out in nature helps too.

2. Be honest about what’s holding you back—is it people, job, environment? In Thailand I booked three life coaching sessions in one week, knowing that every time I walked into the room the guy would read me like a mind map and I would burst into tears. That’s a win for me—it means I have that ‘aha’ moment of knowing what the internal mindset block is that’s stopping me receiving what I’m meant to attract.

3. Understand that you need to surround yourself with people and situations that will allow you to get uncomfortable, which will allow you to elevate. I knew I had to step outside my comfort zone, seek new experiences and embrace the unfamiliar to find myself. You do too. For you, that might look like travelling to new places, meeting new people, exposing yourself to different cultures, ideas and perspectives that will challenge your preconceived notions and help you discover parts of yourself you may not have known were there (or were important.)

4. Explore your passions and interests. Do things that bring you joy and fulfillment rather than just obligations. Make them new things. You’ll uncover hidden talents and areas of genuine enthusiasm—that wonderful sparky feeling when something fills you up—that will provide insights into who you really are.

5. Crunch time. When you get home to your job and life, put into practice everything you decided during your reset. The reason for holidays is so people can rebirth. Open their mindset and do things differently. Don’t waste the opportunity.

6. Not finished yet! The ongoing work is to cultivate self-compassion and acceptance. Embrace your strengths, weaknesses and imperfections without judgement. Finding yourself isn’t about conforming to what you think society values or comparing yourself to others. It’s about your values and learning to love yourself authentically.

7. Do regular check-ins with your intuition. Trust your inner voice and gut instincts. Deep down, you’ll know what feels right for you. Listen to your desires and dreams, and align all your actions and choices with that inner truth.

For me, the journey to finding myself is ongoing. Expect it to evolve all the time. It takes patience, self-compassion and an open mind but if you embrace the process, be gentle with yourself and let yourself grow organically, you’ll hopefully find the same self-awareness and purpose that I did.

Much love,

TORY xox

PS I am especially grateful for the team at Kamalaya who have helped shift me into a higher vibrational level in life. I have a heart full of love and gratitude and like to thank Karina, Pierre, Kat, Sujay, Bernie and Melany.